Captain Name: Scarla Maim Number: 11 Position: Jammer, pivot, blocker Bio: Scarla Maim, AKA Scarface, AKA GWARla, is the captain of the Thrashin' Lassies and a butt kickin' Trans Amazon from beyond the stars...and this rowdy rebel ain't called "Scarla" fer nuthin'. Never one to avoid a scuffle, this little Lassie can withstand some serious pain and nary even shed a tear. She delights in instigating bar brawls and can be a real pain in the ass on the rink. The Lassie's version of wily William Wallace, her "take no prisoners" style is sure to lead her band of slaughter hotties to victory. For when Scarla opens up this little clan of whoop ass, have some pity for the poor souls who get in the Lassies way! Victory is the only option... Oi Oi Oi! Co-Captain Name: Mamasita Muerte Number: F-U Position: Blocker/Pivot DOB: Old enough to know better Bio: Mamasita likes to shake her maracas, and is known to swear like a sailor. If you're lookin' for sass, she's your senorita. She'll leave you saying "AY AY AY!" Quote: "Never take life seriously..no one gets out alive anyways" Co-Captain Name: Mickey Fickey Number: 507 Position: Jammer Name: Chrissy Cruizzer Number: 23 Position: Jammer Bio: When not playing derby I am a personal trainer. I love pushing people to their limits. Roller derby allows me to do this for myself every time I put on my skates. I spent most of my teenager years at rolllerland. This Is where my passion for skating began. Was always involved in sports But just a player to pass the ball for someone else to be great. I have found my sport. This game completes me. Every little girl daydreams about being a super hero.I get to be one every game. Chrissy Cruizzer is everything Im not! Name: Criminal Intent Number: 14 Position: Blocker Bio: Criminal intent #14 is one bad ass blocker. "When she's good she's good, but when she's bad, she's even better" Her hits mean business, as she's been known to bust bras and rip off her opponents shorts. Don't let that baby face fool you. She comes from all angles, and will feed off your fears. She utilizes her fine ass for booty blocking and her words for breaking down her opponents mental game. Off the track she is up to her usual silly antics of pranks, jokes, and all around fun. Name: Dirtbag Number: 40 Position: Blocker Name: Dx Zone Number: 128 Position: Blocker DOB: none of your business Bio: D.X. Zone brings an element of mystery to the Thrashin' Lassies. No one knows where she came from or where she has been. Many have asked what the initials "D.X" stand but all she does is glare at you or quote "If I told you, I would have to hurt you!" The one thing that people do know is that D.X.'s wrestling background is well-suited to her havoc-creating style on the track. While she is an enigma, one thing is certain, you want to stay clear of the D.X. Zone. Quote: Whatever Name: Happy Killmore Number: 44 Position: Blocker DOB: December 9, 1983 Bio: When I'm not on the golf course screaming profanities, or throwing my golf clubs around, I'm playing roller derby. The smashing into other people and bruises is what applealed to me most, not to mention my sailor mouth fit in great with all of the other roller girls. You can sometimes hear me as I skate around the track yelling my favorite profanities. Likes: Metal Music, Batman, Hockey, Golf, Goofy Crazy Movies, Guitar Hero, Classic Cars and Shoes. Dislikes: Turkey's (Not the cooked ones, the lives ones) Superman, lame fake people, people who think that you can make a sunfire look cool. Quote: "The price is wrong B*tch" & "There is no charge for awesomeness" Name: Hissett Fit Number: SPF 45 (as in the sunscreen) Position: Blocker DOB: October 27, 1980 Bio: Hissett fit was a star volleyball player during her stint in college, but mostly a just star. She didn't discover roller derby until she was 26, when it came to her in a dream. A dream that had something to do with pickles and dancing ducks feet...and of course rollerskates. That is when she realized that angels have wings, and Sarah has little wheels. If you hear her singing a tune on the track watch out...it's your bell she's gunna ring next. Little known fact: Hissett's tattoos do not require an artist or ink. She is so badass, they simply manifest. Quote: "Listen.....do you smell something?" Name: Jenny Rocket Number: 9 Position: Pivot, blocker DOB: April 15th Quote: "All roller derby players are bilingual. They know English and profanity." Name: Margarita Kill Number: 2 Position: Blocker DOB: May 2, 1984 Bio: Drawn to derby after leaving the beach in search of a lost salt shaker, Margarita took up being a blocker. Amused by the Lassies' and their partying ways she joined. Margarita likes her drinks to come in pairs of 3 served alongside 9 wings. Quote: "Who wants to be in my pair of three?" Name: Lexi Fatale Number: -1 Position: Jammer DOB: Sept 3, 1989 Bio: Her love of the game started when she was too young to play, yet the growing league took her in anyway. Taking her previous experience and applying it to the game she has found a sport that allows her to use the seductive moves of any spy. Lexi Fatale loves her skates more then her gun. Flaunting moves that would make any James Bond envious she is a real 'femme fatale' on the track. Name: Platinum Bomb Number: 10 Position: Blocker Name: Trailer Park Tracy Number: 2-6 Position: Blocker DOB: Dec 20, 1979 Bio: Story Trailer park Tracy is a beer drinking, whiskey shooting girl. Trailer found roller derby after it was suggested that she find an outlet to release her aggression. In hopes of moving up in the world she joined the Thrashin Lassies (Calgary Roller Derby Association) To date she has not moved up in the world and has lots of aggression but she looks great in a short skirt and can drink you under the table! She is loud, proud and in your face. Quote: Mess with me and you mess with the whole Trailer Park Name: Graveheart Position: Team Mascot Name: Profanity Annie Number: 4 Position: Jammer Retired: 2007